I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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