i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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