what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Pooping to opera.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
