Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Never underestimate the power of titties
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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