you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize