So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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