i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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