You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
