I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
