At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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