So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
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I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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