just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
