I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
