I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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