You just made me feel so damn special
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
