How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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