Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
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The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
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I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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