Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
