Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
