are you so shy because you have an std?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
