His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
