I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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