3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I need water and some morals
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
