you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize