He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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