i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
