My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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