OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
