just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
