Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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