Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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