The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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