That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
