im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
