you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
operation have a gay friend backfired
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
