all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
