I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
