he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
