the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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