u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
