Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How many fucks given?
0.12846
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
