guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
