Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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