Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
