Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
