I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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