if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
