Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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