yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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