I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
