do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
