the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
