elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just googled if crying burns calories
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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