then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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