so that wasnt chicken after all
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
