A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
