Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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