My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
