You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
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