I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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