Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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