my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
