I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
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halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
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Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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