Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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