you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I need to calm my uterus...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
