You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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