Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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