We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
