I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
