Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
