I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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