For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
